Some of my Favorite Office Buzz Words
A lot of people, especially those that spend any amount of time in a corporate environment do not realize how many buzz words we hear (and use) at work on a regular basis. Interestingly, a lot of them imply physical effort and skilled activities that most people will never do in their lifetimes. Sadly, no matter how much we use these buzz-words, this is not the type of exercise that will help you burn any extra calories or lose weight, but nevertheless, it does make us sound good and feel good… maybe.
Ready to work (out)? Let’s read a short story with some of my favorite buzz words. Feel free to add yours in the comments section too!
There’s no better way to start our work day than by taking a deep dive at the tasks that we have lined up for the day. Mind you, sometimes, a deep dive, may not be enough. In such cases, you may need to dig a little deeper or even drill down until you find the right information. Of course, in our case, no special tools or skills are required. I wonder if scuba divers, landscapers, or construction workers use these buzz words too? If not, they should!
The key part to having a trouble-free day is not to overdo it by pushing the envelope too much. I know, I know, envelopes are not really that heavy, but you know what I mean! It’s also easier than flying under the radar when you don’t have a pilot’s license or a plane for that matter!
When you finally get going with your day’s tasks, you start to realize that you’re merely scraping the surface. In such a busy state of mind, it is no wonder that when a colleague stops by your desk asking you to chime in about a particular issue, you have no choice but to tell her that you will circle back later rather than jumping to conclusions now.
You see, we’re all trying to climb the corporate ladder and break the glass ceiling. We’re working very hard and by no means resting on our laurels. This is our daily grindafter all. We’re on a treadmill. If we could only find the damn ladder and that infamous glass ceiling one of these days our lives would be so much better!
What the heck! I’m already exhausted and my day is not even half way over! I will definitely not bend over backwards for anything or anyone for the rest of the day! I’m sure my chiropractor will be happy about that.
Just when start thinking about Happy Hour (as if the rest of our hours are so unhappy?) I get called into yet another meeting! How many times do I need to hear that we need to keep moving the needle, raising the bar, stay on the cutting edge and think outside the box? And where is that damn elusive box? Maybe that’s also where they keep the corporate ladder and the glass ceiling! If that’s the case, I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘inside the box.’
So the meeting goes on with our boss pinging all of us about how well the wheels are turning and what a bright future we have ahead of us. Somewhere between the lines, he also says that we are still pre-profit and carry over some negative equity but at this point who cares? All we need is a good dose of corporate synergy, and wait for the sun to rise again tomorrow, right?
At this point, my head is spinning, (à la Exorcist) and I can’t wait to swing back to my desk. But before I reach my destination, I run into a disgruntled senior employee who thinks the boss is drinking the kool-aid. I would like to have some kool-aid too but I don’t know where it is either. This person by the way, is the one in charge of social media integration, which is ironic because he’s the most anti-social person you can ever meet! Either way, he says that he’ll shoot me an email to hook up with me later. I’m thinking, I don’t really have the bandwidth for that. Maybe this is the right time to tell him that I’m out of pocket? I must admit that I’ve never used that expression before since I though it was going to cost me money.
That’s it! It’s “beer-thirty” and there’s nothing that is going to stop me from leaving now. With all this jumping, climbing, circling around, drilling, deep diving, pushing and flying, I don’t even know how am I going to make it home tonight! But I sure feel good about all the exercise I’ve done today!
Happy summer! Until next time, this is Manuel Gil del Real (MGR)